Time Out.

Something truly exciting happened this week, something that most ordinary people like myself fantasise about on a daily basis...not a lottery win, not a dinner date with Hugh Jackman but

A mini break.....without kids!!!!

Yes, finally all my Christmases came at once as my husband and I headed of to Cardiff for a full 36 hours of pure, uninterrupted freedom whilst our kids threw spaghetti all over their grandparents' house and subjected them to incessant alphabet recitals and midnight chats.

There was a lot of pressure to do something truly remarkable with this free time as there was no telling when we might find ourselves in this unique position again. 

Initially, I thought that we should perhaps go sky diving, learn how to gut a fish, go on a helicopter ride or run through the streets naked yelling 'We're FREEEEEE!!!....but, lovely as these things would be, I made my decision.


What I most wanted to do:

1.  Go to a restaurant

A real one... where the food isn't all beige and doesn't arrive in a box with a free toy and a balloon.

2. Go to a pub

A real one... where they serve only hard liquor and NOT Fruit Shoots and Chicken Nuggets, with a side of colouring activities. OH... and a balloon.

3. Sit down 

On a chair...for longer than 4 minutes.

4. Go to a clothes shop

A real one (not the clothing section of an Asda's or Tesco's) and actually look at the current fashions, try on an outfit or two and make it to the till to purchase them.

5. Have a conversation 

Yes, I wanted to have an adult conversation with my husband about anything: Frogs, fungus, filo pastry, feet, Freddie Mercury... ANYTHING other than kids, schools, potty training, childcare and what day the bins were being collected this week.

6. Carry a handbag 

Yes, I wanted to carry a dainty, girly handbag that had ONLY lipstick, money and a hairbrush inside... NOT a suitcase that would rival that of Mary Poppin's.... containing nappies, dummies, Haribo, wipes, bubbles and a hat stand.


Yes, the most underrated of all life's pleasures: Sleep. 

I wanted to close my eyes and keep them closed for longer than 3 hours without my name being called, without any battery-operated alphabet toy randomly bursting into song and without having to mop up vomit, piss or remove an errant poo from a nappy that had magically fallen off.

Simple really. Not too much to ask.

So, what actually happened?

Well, just what you'd expect really.



Hit the pub immediately and got atrociously hammered on three measly drinks (out of practice, I guess). Feeling guilty at my selfish behaviour, I dragged my husband to the nearest Disney Shop to queue in the hideous half term hoards of people, to purchase a plastic snowman for my son. Husband got grumpy... he couldn't stand the dazzle of the sequinned princess dresses and so we had to leave, but only after spending £62 on plastic junk (Frozen toys).

Called the grandparents to check on the kids. They were fine.


We headed back to the hotel to watch Judge Judy and Scooby Doo

Called the grandparents to check on the kids. They were fine.


Dinner followed, where we spoke about Stan's teacher, his current shoe size, his hopes and dreams and his disgust at all known vegetables. We then discussed the new child minder and Bob's speech delay and his inability to defecate on a regular basis (wheat allergy?).

Called the grandparents to check on the kids. They were fine.


We were unconscious by 10 pm.

Up at 6 am. As usual.

Sod's law.


Jeremy Kyle... from start to finish!!! NO interruptions!!! No Peppa Pig. No Fireman Sam.


Called the grandparents to check on the kids. They were fine.



Headed home... and spoke about them all the way there in the car.


This is a toy monkey making a 'T' for 'Time Out'. Just in case it's not clear.

This is a toy monkey making a 'T' for 'Time Out'. Just in case it's not clear.