Today I saw a bearded lady in the street.
She must have been about 100 years old and her beard was a glistening white swirl that cascaded off her chin like a glorious waterfall....natural and pure.
This sighting came only days after I plucked a HUGE hair from my chin. It had to be 2 inches long and it took two hands and some significant force to wrench it out. I know that plucking isn't the best way to go but it was a quick fix to a desperate situation.
A profound quote on the topic sprouted to mind:
If you pluck one hair, 'Three more will come to it's funeral'. -
Samantha, Sex and the City
There is much truth to this. .My eyebrows (once considered a mono-brow ) are living proof of such a statement. After the initial pluck in my early teens, I have been engaged in a battle to keep them under control ever since.
This has been quite a commitment let me tell you.
Looking at this old lady, it occurred to me that her beard probably started as a solitary 2 inch chin hair back in her thirties, and then she plucked.
Now, she has a beard that would rival that of Santa Claus's
The way human hair grows is quite impressive really. It's much like when you grow cress at Junior School in those plastic trays. It seems to sprout from anywhere and everywhere without any effort or encouragement...a natural phenomenon almost.
But sadly, society isn't as accepting of a bearded lady as it is of a tray of freshly grown cress. As women, we must battle our whole lives to keep errant hairs out of the public eye. Noble women like Julia Roberts have tried to embrace body hair and show it off with pride...but not even she could get away with it.
If she couldn't then surley we NEVER will.
I know, deep in my heart that I am on a fast track towards having a giant beard in my future. I have ignored the wise words of Samantha Jones.... I PLUCKED. Already, there is an audience of hairs dashing to the site of extraction to mourn for their fallen companion.
I am doomed.
So, here is what I plan to escape the beard that nature has in store for me.
1. I am going to save a pound a week in my piggy bank so that I can afford laser hair removal in my elder years.
2. I am also going to start weekly Yoga classes to build my strength and flexibility should I have to bend over to shave my toes or contort to shave my back when I am 80.
3. If point 1 and 2 fail, I am going to need the assistance of a third party! This would likely be my husband. Given that my husband is a decade older than me, and knowing that it is scientific FACT that most women outlive men, I plan to trade him in for a much younger model. This will ensure that I have a more youthful and able bodied assistant to conquer the army of hairs that inevitably will engulf my body.
This is just common sense.
Ladies, I advise you all to do the same. Fight your feisty follicles!!
Here's to a beard- free future!