I have always had the very best of intentions when it comes to feeding my kids.
Despite being an avid fan of the Big Mac and a stuffed crust pizza or two, I have always tried my hardest to steer my children down the vegetable-stuffed high road of healthiness.
Like most well-meaning parents ,I started out with a head full of ideas and a heart full of hope, but after devoting six years to liquidising cauliflowers and shredding courgettes into spaghetti-esque strands, I have come to a major realisation:
If food isn’t beige, coated in breadcrumbs or slathered in cheese or ketchup, it just isn’t going down my kid's gullet without a fight.
I've tried to be clever. I've tried to trick, dazzle, distract and bribe them. I've made up cool cauliflower songs and great green bean games, but getting anything remotely healthy down their gullets has proved to be impossible.
Take the following efforts and how they were received by my kids
1. The Bolognese Flop.
I thought that I was mighty clever when I blitzed a pile of vegetables in my new Nutribullet recently and hid the nutritious putrid green juice inside a spaghetti bolognese. I served it up to my clueless toddler....
...who passed out snoring after consuming a mere two mouthfuls.
Apparently my bolognese wasn't worth staying conscious for.
*On a positive note, my Facebook pals have suggested that I take my recipe to the folks on Dragon's Den so that I can mass produce and market it as a meal that is guaranteed to knock out a toddler.
2. The Splendid Sandwich Circle
My husband, a wonderfully enthusiastic chef with a natural artistic flair, decided to present an open cheese sandwich with a side of satsuma in the hope of luring our toddler towards consuming some vitamin C.
But it was met with the usual lukewarm reception and it soon found its way to the laminate floor.
It turned out that he didn't want rectangles on this occasion... only equilateral triangles were acceptable.
Vitamin C consumed by toddler: 0 mg
Vitamin C consumed by laminate flooring: Lots.
3. The Cup That Runneth Over
I recently made a traditional family favourite: Shepherd's Pie. I used to love this as a child and thought that it was worth a shot.
But the second my back was turned, my child poured an entire cup of orange juice over it- thus converting it from a pie into a lamb and orange soup.
Vegetables and protein consumed by toddler: 0 g
Vitamin C consumed by the Shepherd : GALLONS...the fella was drowning in the stuff!
The low point came the day I busted them eating margarine straight from the tub!! It was like taking a dagger to my vegetarian cookbook.
I mean, come on!!! What would social services think?!
And I know in my heart that no matter how much effort I make, I will never be able to compete with that dumb ass clown who steals the show every time we visit his 'restaurant'.
I have felt desperate. At times, I've felt like I've failed.
But after six years of absolute struggle: six long years of watching my hand-peeled sweet potatoes getting smashed into the walls and six years of seeing my courgettes being lobbed at the double glazing, something truly MIRACULOUS happened just yesterday!
Yes, that's right...that is a FULL FLORET of broccoli going down the hole!!!
Naturally I wept...more than I did on the day the kid was born and more than the day I brushed past Tom Jones in a corridor.
And now that this little green tree has been accepted into my son's digestive system, I'm gonna run with it.
Next week's menu:
MONDAY: Chicken Nuggets and broccoli
TUESDAY: Broccoli pasta
WEDNESDAY: Broccoli pizza
THURSDAY: Broccoli SURPRISE!
FRIDAY: Fish fingers and broccoli
Mum: The champion
Broccoli: Soon to be extinct
If, like me, you are in need of some lush family-friendly recipes and are desperate for inspiration to help guide your kids down the 'vegetable-stuffed High Road of healthiness', then check out this cracking website:
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