The Diet Starts Monday

Monday's woman is fair of face and starts the week with a plan,

She decides that she wants to cut down on cake and be the best woman she can,

She loads up on seeds,skimmed milk and fruit and a 30g bowl of Bran flakes,

And feels really great that she's doing so well...not a thought of crisps, cookies or cakes.


Tuesday's woman is full of grace and starts the day feeling just fine,

With a lemon in hot water and a herbal tea and not a thought about downing some wine.

She says 'No' to the cake during morning break and ignores plates of custard creams,

She has an apple instead, for only in bed will she think of those creams in her dreams.


Wednesday's woman is full of woe and starts to feel the need to cheat,

Morale is low and her brain feels slow as she stares down at her congealed bulgar wheat.

She is sick of dry crackers and reading ALL wrappers and cannot even look at a vegetable,

Cos they all taste the same, regardless of their name.... they are bland and simply inedible.


Thursday's woman has far to go and doesn't care that her body is rounder

She waits for the lunch hour and opts to devour a juicy fat quarter pounder,

She follows it up with a large box of fries and a naughty little chicken nugget,

She no longer cares, she doesn't despair and  just thinks, 'Screw it, damn it...FUGGET!'


Friday's woman is loving and giving and knows that she'll never be Kate Moss

She's happy with her lumps, has worked hard for her bumps and frankly could not give a toss.

There's far more to her than the eye can behold, she is a woman with a beautiful mind,

Who cares about bingo wings, cos there's far important things than the size of her blooming behind.


Saturday's woman works hard for a living and is worthy of a well deserved treat

4 bags of crisps, a box of chocolates and a plate filled with barbecued meat,

Some french baguettes make her have no regrets, not even that whole bottle of wine,

Cos she feels better right now than she has done all week, indeed she feels simply divine.


Sunday's woman is bonny and blithe and despite feeling good and gay,

Has guilt lurking behind at the back of her mind at all that she ate yesterday.

But she knows it's okay as it's soon to be Monday and she will return to her bowl of bran flakes

And start over once more to slim down her core - correcting all of her delicious mistakes.

No nuggets were harmed in the taking of this photo....ok, maybe just one or two.

No nuggets were harmed in the taking of this photo....ok, maybe just one or two.

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