The Top 7 Poo-Poos That Your Child WILL Do Do!

The Top 7 Poo-Poos That Your Child WILL Do Do!

The Runner, by it's very nature, is considered to be the most ambitious of stools and refuses to set up camp in a super-absorbent, cotton wool prison with pictures of bunnies on it.

It will not be suppressed...it will rise- all the way to the top if given the opportunity to do so.

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A Blog About All The Different Types Of Ass.

It's been my lifelong dream to write a book. 

As a child, I originally wanted to be a nun after watching 'The Sound Of Music' but the novelty quickly wore off when I realised that I wouldn't be able to wear lipstick or kiss Phillip Schofield. Then I wanted to be a vet, but after watching James Herriot stick his full arm up a cow's rectum in a particularly traumatic episode of 'All Creatures Great and Small',  I soon changed my mind.

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How To Stay Conscious For Long Enough To Raise Your Kids!

How To Stay Conscious For Long Enough To Raise Your Kids!

Parenting is an exhausting business- from start to finish...wherever that finishing line is. I'll be damned if I know.

When I fell pregnant with my first child, I felt like I had been hit with a tranquilliser dart. Growing a human sure does take it out of you.  I would drag my fat ass around London, cello in tow, looking like an extra from Shaun of the Dead ( a musical one though).  I'd nap whenever and wherever possible. Most days I was so knackered that I'd have to climb into bed at 4 pm the minute I got in from work

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Operation: School RUN.

Operation: School RUN.

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 7 AM AND 8 AM ON THE SECOND DAY OF THE SCHOOL TERM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

  • 7.AM      Kid 1 and Kid 2 are dragged from their beds.
  • 7.10 AM  Milk is warmed in the microwave for 28 seconds.
  • 7.12 AM  Milk is served. Kid 1 kicks up an almighty stink as his milk is served in an unacceptable receptacle. Receptacle is changed to the appropriate one with an 'Olaf' on the front of it. Crisis averted.
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Square, Diamond, Asshole.

Square, Diamond, Asshole.

It has finally happened. 

After waiting well over two years for Bob to speak, he has finally opened his little trap and spoken a few words.

You'll all be pleased to hear that he is in fact English.

Up until now, Bob's talking has been merely an incoherent babble that sounded like a cross between Swedish and Korean. Adding to the fact that he goes nuts for a meatball at Ikea and is always totally transfixed by the Gangnam Style video, Jay and I had strong concerns that there had been a mix-up at the hospital and that he wasn't our child at all!!

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