Sometimes, on special occasions, they bring their entire collection of Ninja Turtle figurines into the bed, line them all up under the duvet and then walk them across our foreheads as we 'sleep'.Read More
We have all heard of the expression 'The Terrible Twos' and it doesn't take long for parents of the world to realise that this expression is a gross understatement of reality.
Why? Because children aren't just prone to terrible tantrums at the age of two: this alliterated expression, although massively memorable and cleverly creative is insanely inaccurate!Read More
*Warning. May cause offence to Politicians
My toddler woke up at 4.12 am on Thursday. Screaming. Loudly.
My first reaction? Dummy!!! I stuck it in his mouth sharpish...but he spat it out.
Plan B?...I held the dummy in his mouth, lay him down and patted his tiny bum for reassurance. But he kept leaping back up, crying louder and louder and rattled the bars of his cot like a wild caged animal.
Plan C?....I lifted him (I know, I know...BAD move) and gave him a hug. He calmed down and then I tried to stick him back in his cot. Oh no. NO DEAL. He went mental. So I made the worst decision ever...Read More
THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 7 AM AND 8 AM ON THE SECOND DAY OF THE SCHOOL TERM.
EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.
- 7.AM Kid 1 and Kid 2 are dragged from their beds.
- 7.10 AM Milk is warmed in the microwave for 28 seconds.
- 7.12 AM Milk is served. Kid 1 kicks up an almighty stink as his milk is served in an unacceptable receptacle. Receptacle is changed to the appropriate one with an 'Olaf' on the front of it. Crisis averted.
This post is a few days late as I have been juggling a lot of balls this week.Literally.
I have had balls flying at me from every angle and I have been knocking some out of the way with my metaphorical bat but sadly have tripped on others
Here's my list of Ball aches:
We put the Christmas tree up on Sunday morning before I headed out to workRead More
As a human being, it goes without saying that in order to get along in life, you have to tell the occasional little white lie. If someone asks `'Does my bum look big in this?'...... the answer should always be 'NO'! (Nice answer) even though your inner voice screams YES!!!!! ( The truth)
If you break up with someone, you should say 'I've decided I'd like to concentrate on my career. It's not you, it's me'. It's what one says aloud to be kind,but inside your inner voice screams, 'It IS you and NOT me. See ya later punk!!!'.
These 'little white lies' spare feelings and ensure that we are all able to get on well with our families, friends and the wider society. Little white lies make us nicer people, and that's how we all should try to be.
To be a parent, being a nice person is certainly required, but being IN CONTROL is far more important. In order to have total control of your kids, you are going to have to tell them BIG BLACK LIES.
Here are the most common:Read More