The Top 4 Toddler Tantrums...And How To Handle Them

The Top 4 Toddler Tantrums...And How To Handle Them

We have all heard of the expression 'The Terrible Twos' and it doesn't take long for parents of the world to realise that this expression is a gross understatement of reality.

Why? Because children aren't just prone to terrible tantrums at the age of two: this alliterated expression, although massively memorable and cleverly creative is insanely inaccurate!

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All About Bob.

All About Bob.

This post is all about Bob.

Last week marked the three year anniversary of his arrival here on planet Earth.

His birth was memorable. I want to tell you that a glorious white- feathered stork tapped on my window to alert me of his arrival into our lives. I want to tell you that as the magnificent bird arrived, I was sipping iced tea whilst listening to an early Mozart piano sonata and indulging in a relaxing professional foot massage. I want to tell you that I heard the tap on the window, put down my iced tea and opened the window and gathered my little bundle up in my arms, welcoming him into the world with a warm motherly embrace.

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And The Award Goes To....

And The Award Goes To....

Being a wife and a mother can be a totally thankless calling:

Cooking, cleaning, scraping shit off the laminate flooring, ordering groceries, wiping urine from the toilet seat, folding pants, enduring soft play, spending your beer money on Matchbox cars and iPad apps, feasting on Fishfingers and Smiley Faces for every meal, hiding vegetables in the chocolate cake, going to bed at midnight and getting up at 5 am, having to wear clothes that are always soiled in chocolate, snot, dribble or a combo of the three.

It's hard.

And other than the occasional bunch of flowers (usually with twenty percent off as they're already half dead), or a trip to Pizza Express on a Wednesday '241' coupon day, my husband rarely makes a gesture of thanks.

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How To Stay Conscious For Long Enough To Raise Your Kids!

How To Stay Conscious For Long Enough To Raise Your Kids!

Parenting is an exhausting business- from start to finish...wherever that finishing line is. I'll be damned if I know.

When I fell pregnant with my first child, I felt like I had been hit with a tranquilliser dart. Growing a human sure does take it out of you.  I would drag my fat ass around London, cello in tow, looking like an extra from Shaun of the Dead ( a musical one though).  I'd nap whenever and wherever possible. Most days I was so knackered that I'd have to climb into bed at 4 pm the minute I got in from work

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What's The Worst That Could Happen?

What's The Worst That Could Happen?

*Warning. May cause offence to Politicians

My toddler woke up at 4.12 am on Thursday. Screaming. Loudly.

My first reaction? Dummy!!! I stuck it in his mouth sharpish...but he spat it out.

Plan B?...I held the dummy in his mouth, lay him down and patted his tiny bum for reassurance. But he kept leaping back up, crying louder and louder and rattled the bars of his cot like a wild caged animal.

Plan C?....I lifted him (I know, I know...BAD move) and gave him a hug. He calmed down and then I tried to stick him back in his cot. Oh no. NO DEAL. He went mental. So I made the worst decision ever...

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Resolution Queen Of 2015

Resolution Queen Of 2015

The New Year is here which leads most of us to start making resolutions. We want to be better people. We want to be thinner, healthier, drink less, eat lentils, be nice, be organised....blah blah. Same old, same old.

I googled 'What are the most popular resolutions for 2015' and the standard list was revealed. I ran my eyes down the list however, and realised in an instant that I had already NAILED most of the common New Year's resolutions. There wasn't a single resolution on the list that I hadn't achieved in the last week of 2014. It's only the first of January and I am already the QUEEN OF 2015.

Here's how I nailed the most common resolutions of 2015:

1. LOSE WEIGHT

 

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