A Blog About All The Different Types Of Ass.

It's been my lifelong dream to write a book. 

As a child, I originally wanted to be a nun after watching 'The Sound Of Music' but the novelty quickly wore off when I realised that I wouldn't be able to wear lipstick or kiss Phillip Schofield. Then I wanted to be a vet, but after watching James Herriot stick his full arm up a cow's rectum in a particularly traumatic episode of 'All Creatures Great and Small',  I soon changed my mind.

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Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

It's 2.32 am. It's March. A mother and father sleep soundly in their King-sized bed. A mild aroma of guff hangs in the air.

'Awwww! Uh, huh, uh, huh, uh, huh!!! Uggggggghhhhh!'

Mum leaps out of bed onto all fours like a startled cat. Her ears prick up. She immediately detects the smell of guff.  She darts into the kids bedroom towards the source of the disruption to find Kid 1 sobbing with his arms sprawled out in the air waiting to be lifted up.

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