All I Want For Christmas

All I Want For Christmas

Everyone dreams of what they want for Christmas. Mariah Carey wanted a lush man to call her own (who doesn't?), Bing Cosby dreamt of having a 'White Christmas' (great if you don't have to board a tube or hit the M25) and Eartha Kitt wanted Santa to 'hurry down the chimney' with a yacht, a ring and the deeds to a platinum mine. Fair play Eartha, if you don't ask you don't get.

Well, I don't want a lot for Christmas,
There are just six things I need,
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree

 

I just want:

1. MY 2009 VAGINA BACK. 

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The Nightmare Before Christmas.

The Nightmare Before Christmas.

I love Christmas. It is the season to be merry (mullered) and the season of goodwill towards all men (especially Hugh Jackman and all possible look-a- likes) and it's the time where one has great joy in giving gifts (and receiving...let's be honest, we all love a cracking present).

As much as I love the day itself, the build up is always a bit of a nightmare.

Here's what haunts me, the nightmares before Christmas:

PANTOMONIUM*.

*This is a cross between Pantomime and Pandemonium....Just in case it isn't clear.
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Jingle Balls.

Jingle Balls.

This post is a few days late as I have been juggling a lot of balls this week.Literally.

I have had balls flying at me from every angle and I have been knocking some out of the way with my metaphorical bat but sadly have tripped on others

Here's my list of Ball aches:

JINGLE BALLS.

We put the Christmas tree up on Sunday morning before I headed out to work

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Big BLACK Lies

Big BLACK Lies

As a human being, it goes without saying that in order to get along in life, you have to tell the occasional little white lie.  If someone asks `'Does my bum look big in this?'...... the answer should always be 'NO'! (Nice answer) even though your inner voice screams YES!!!!! ( The truth)

If you break up with someone, you should say 'I've decided I'd like to concentrate on my career. It's not you, it's me'. It's what one says aloud to be kind,but inside your inner voice screams, 'It IS you and NOT me. See ya later punk!!!'.

These 'little white lies' spare feelings and ensure that we are all able to get on well with our families, friends and the wider society. Little white lies make us nicer people, and that's how we all should try to be.

To be a parent, being a nice person is certainly required, but being IN CONTROL  is far more important. In order to have total control of your kids, you are going to have to tell them BIG BLACK LIES.

Here are the most common:

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Time Out.

Time Out.

Something truly exciting happened this week, something that most ordinary people like myself fantasise about on a daily basis...not a lottery win, not a dinner date with Hugh Jackman but

A mini break.....without kids!!!!

Yes, finally all my Christmases came at once as my husband and I headed of to Cardiff for a full 36 hours of pure, uninterrupted freedom whilst our kids threw spaghetti all over their grandparents' house and subjected them to incessant alphabet recitals and midnight chats.

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