26 Signs That British Summertime Has Almost Arrived.

1. Every man, no matter how little/large/hairy freely commits the act of gross indecent exposure.

2. Regular pub-goers suddenly switch from ordering pints of traditional ale to pints of Magners...with a separate pint glass full of ice on the side.

3. Every square inch of grass in every public area of every city in Britain has a half-naked person sprawled across it lying on a tartan blanket.

4. After just 24 hours of exposure to the sun, your skin begins to resemble parma ham.

5. The air is filled with the screams of overheated tantruming toddlers.

6. The supermarkets have run out of ice.

7. A scratch of the head at the end of the day virtually reduces you to tears.

8. Drinking alcohol becomes socially acceptable from 10am...especially if it's served with lots of ice and a straw.

9. Everyone starts whining to excess about the heat. Indeed, 'It's just 'too hot to do anything'. So they go to the pub.

10. The London Underground grinds to a halt.

11. Argos stores run out of electric fans.

12. You find yourself flashing death stares to the assholes in their convertibles when stuck in a jam on the M25.

13. Despite multiple applications of sun cream, you always miss the same spots and look like this at the end of the day.

14. Parents spend ages rubbing sun cream into every nook and cranny on their protesting kids only for the kids to then spend the day hiding indoors playing on the iPad.

15. Volvic and Evian profits soar and Starbuckers swap coffees for overpriced Mango-flavoured icy sludge...served with a straw (of course)

16. Every man across the country gets their bermuda shorts/shirts out of the loft and wear them with pride in public.

17. You walk around your garden in your bra and knickers and you don't give a damn that the neighbours can see you.

18.  You worry that the recycling man will judge you when he comes to empty your bulging green bin of tinnies.

19. You don't realise that you're horrifically sunburnt until you get in the shower at the end of the day.

20. Your kids just won't go to bed before 10.30 pm and they're up at 5am every day without fail because black-out blinds don't black out squat!

21.Everything you eat is barbecued....including breakfast which involves microwaving a sausage left over from the night before. And you eat it outside (as no morsel of food passes your lips unless you are sat on a deckchair on the patio)

22.. You go to bed with a duvet over you and wake up at 3am scorched. You switch the duvet for a plain bed sheet but wake up at 5am freezing.

23. The sight of a wasp/bee/hornet makes you convulse and scream on impact like a deranged psychopath .You add a can of Raid to your weekly shopping order and feel mighty powerful taking out half of the insect population with one lingering blast of the can.

24. Mothers consider buying Tenalady after blowing up their kid's paddling pool and rubber rings push their pelvic floor muscles to the absolute limits. 

25. Respectable people fill the streets... now wearing Crocs.

26. Every tabloid publishes a front page article warning of the threat of a national drought crisis. You worry about the survival of your begonias but decide that you will water them anyway- you'll probably get away with it.

You Baby Me Mummy