Despite being a pretty regular (mundane) week, filled with regular (mundane) occurrences, I am able to announce that my family and I have made some pretty amazing (ok, ok, mundane) discoveries!!
The first is a cracking discovery that was made by my 5 year old son:
He can put on socks- ALL BY HIMSELF!!
Yes, my 5 year old has accomplished many things in his short life so far. He has taught himself (with the aid of an iPad) to read and write remarkably well. He can add, subtract and multiply and can recite the alphabet in three languages. Pretty cool. Pretty impressive. However, despite his apparent intelligence, the simple art of putting on socks has not yet been mastered.
After a five year struggle (gross understatement) , little Stan was finally able to put on a pair of bright red Mutant-Ninja Turtle socks all by himself. AT LAST!
Yesterday,after 15 minutes of explosive rage and tears, he was able to pull the socks all the way up to just below his tiny knees. He was so ecstatic at his almighty triumph that he headed out, exactly as pictured below, to parade down the aisles of ASDA like Naomi Campbell on Red Bull, so that the world could admire his substantial achievement.
Well done Stan!! Bravo!!
The second amazing discovery also involved young Stan. He discovered not only that he isn't invisible, but he also learnt:
How to use a DUSTPAN and BRUSH
Yes, after sweating in the kitchen all of Sunday afternoon, I produced a beautiful roast beef dinner to celebrate the return of my husband from a tour of Japan with Rick Astley. I had beef and Yorkshire Puddings (thanks Aunt Bessie) roast potatoes (thanks again luscious Bessie) and a nice selection of vegetables to include carrots, broccoli and peas.
Whilst eating our dinner and suffering the usual proclamations of disgust from my young offspring, I began to see strange flashes of colour out of the corners of my eyes. What could these be?
Perhaps I was light-headed from all the chopping, boiling and frying in the baking hot kitchen? Perhaps I was going to faint??
No. This wasn't the case.
The flashes of colour turned out to be Stan...specifically, Stan's flapping arm. It transpired that every time I looked down at my plate, he seized the opportunity to grab hold of a handful of peas and lob them over the back of his shoulders in a bid to avoid having to eat them.
He didn't think I could see. I guess that he thought he was clever. Or invisible.
Or maybe he thought that I was stupid. Or blind.
But I'm NOT.
So, little Stan was immediately introduced to the glory that is the dustpan and brush, and he was able to retrieve 32 peas (we counted) from the laminate floor beneath him. He learnt the importance of petit pois consumption and he learnt the more valuable lesson that lobbing peas would NOT be tolerated in a house where the laminate flooring is considered to be as valued as the residents themselves.
The final 'Amazing Discovery' was made by yours truly:
HIGH-WAISTED STRETCHY JEANS
Yes, an AMAZING discovery it was indeed! I discovered that it's possible to buy jeans that are not only stretchy but high waisted too, so one can tuck ALL of their lady rolls away from the eyes of the general public.
I was growing increasingly frustrated by having to tuck my muffin-tops back into my jeans every time I stood up after sitting down, or every time I did a spontaneous lunge. I went shopping with low expectations and was chuffed to find these beauties in New Look.
I have tested them several times:
I did the full dance routine in my living room to Beyoncé's 'All the Single Ladies' , I went down a slide at soft play and I did an awkward roly- poly whilst wearing them. It is with great pleasure, that I am able to report that my mountainous muffin- tops stayed firmly underneath the elasticated waistband for the duration.
Thanks New Look!! You've changed my life!! Now I can lunge freely with my dustpan and brush in hand and assist with sock application when required.