Santa then bragged about his contract renewal with Coca-Cola, the new line of Thorntons chocolate Santas that were hitting the shops and the fact that Asda, Tescos and Sainsburys were now devoting aisle 3 of their stores to sell his merchandise from as early as the end of October.
. "These Brussel sprouts are wonderful!!", an elderly relative will say.
Yes they are, but only because they have been smothered in garlic and have had 2lbs of fried crispy bacon thrown on top of them just to disguise the fact that they taste of human guff.Read More
He knows that he has to be good. He knows that if he forces down the broccoli, the mysterious pensioner may well squeeze down our non-existent chimney on Christmas eve and deliver him a Play Doh set and an alphabet puzzle (I know, weird kid but that's what he wants).
It all makes perfect sense doesn't it?Read More
The percussive plops of your husband defecating will ricochet off the tin walls and you'll be reaching for the TV remote control to drown out the ghastly sound in a bid to salvage any romance that is left in your marriage.Read More
After the initial collapse of your tower, you will eventually find the time and effort to rebuild and reach the light at the end of what seems to be the longest tunnel of shit-stained nappies and projectile vomit imaginable.Read More