Big BLACK Lies

Big BLACK Lies

As a human being, it goes without saying that in order to get along in life, you have to tell the occasional little white lie.  If someone asks `'Does my bum look big in this?'...... the answer should always be 'NO'! (Nice answer) even though your inner voice screams YES!!!!! ( The truth)

If you break up with someone, you should say 'I've decided I'd like to concentrate on my career. It's not you, it's me'. It's what one says aloud to be kind,but inside your inner voice screams, 'It IS you and NOT me. See ya later punk!!!'.

These 'little white lies' spare feelings and ensure that we are all able to get on well with our families, friends and the wider society. Little white lies make us nicer people, and that's how we all should try to be.

To be a parent, being a nice person is certainly required, but being IN CONTROL  is far more important. In order to have total control of your kids, you are going to have to tell them BIG BLACK LIES.

Here are the most common:

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Time Out.

Time Out.

Something truly exciting happened this week, something that most ordinary people like myself fantasise about on a daily basis...not a lottery win, not a dinner date with Hugh Jackman but

A mini break.....without kids!!!!

Yes, finally all my Christmases came at once as my husband and I headed of to Cardiff for a full 36 hours of pure, uninterrupted freedom whilst our kids threw spaghetti all over their grandparents' house and subjected them to incessant alphabet recitals and midnight chats.

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Letting it go.

Letting it go.

I have a new mantra. It's an amazing one too. It's courtesy of Mr Walt Disney and I believe it may change my outlook on life forever.

                                                               LET. IT .GO.

Three very simple but very profound little words that have really helped me out this week.

This is how:

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I'm Every Woman

I'm Every Woman

It's Monday morning. It's 8.49 AM.

Here is what I have done so far today:

Lifted two whingeing small humans from their beds.

Made their beds.

Peeled a flattened poo off a tiny bum.

Gagged a little.

Wiped an explosive shower of urine from the toilet seat lid.

Explained to a 4 yr old where to aim his 'hose' before 'Watering the flowers'. A daily ritual.

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Square, Diamond, Asshole.

Square, Diamond, Asshole.

It has finally happened. 

After waiting well over two years for Bob to speak, he has finally opened his little trap and spoken a few words.

You'll all be pleased to hear that he is in fact English.

Up until now, Bob's talking has been merely an incoherent babble that sounded like a cross between Swedish and Korean. Adding to the fact that he goes nuts for a meatball at Ikea and is always totally transfixed by the Gangnam Style video, Jay and I had strong concerns that there had been a mix-up at the hospital and that he wasn't our child at all!!

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The 'CODE RED' Situation.

The 'CODE RED' Situation.

There is nothing more entertaining than watching a grown man change a child's nappy.

This is a wonderful thing for the human eye to behold, especially if it is a particularly intimidating and unpredictable nappy or if it is what we might call a  'CODE RED' situation

NB. The term 'Code Red' is a military term and it is defined as a 'hostile situation that requires immediate action'. 

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