400 pairs of pants
A shitload of Mr Muscle
A pair of Marigolds
A lifetime supply of HariboRead More
Getting older is one of life's cruel inevitabilities.
We all start out with baby-soft, flawless, tight skin and gradually over time the skin begins to sag and the dark circles start to form under our eyes. Then come the wrinkles. Sadly for most of us, it will get to the point where our asses will droop down to the backs of our knees and we will end up dragging our boobs across the floor and propping them up in the child seat of the trolley in Sainsbury's just to alleviate the stress on our curved spines.
A top family barrister once told me that in her experience the main reason that couples get divorced is because:
A. The husband complains that his wife will not have sex with him
B. The wife feels that the husband doesn't listen to her.
Now, I'm not too worried about point A. I for one am definitely up for a bonk of an evening. If my husband and I were ever conscious for longer 30 minutes after putting (forcing) our young kids to bed, then I certainly wouldn't turn him away. He is a rather handsome man after all.
It was my birthday this week. Sigh.
This morning I glanced in the mirror and noticed yet another roll of skin had descended over the top of my Primark full briefs- the flimsy elastic had given up the fight and had surrendered and drowned under an avalanche of flab...a 'flabalanche' if you will. I also noticed that despite my son being three years old, I was still wearing my maternity leggings. Shameful I know.
When you have small children, there are days where you just CANNOT face going to the park.
It is no surprise that these days often come after you have been up ALL night because one of them wet the bed and the other one randomly burst into song at 4am. You may have been dealing with choppers coming through, unstoppable projectile vomit, raging temperatures or night terrors.
Or maybe, and it's rare... but maybe, you've actually been for a night out on the town with your pals and have rolled in at 2am with a belly full of beer and a heart full of joy.Read More
I am a musician by trade. And yes, before you ask, it is a real job.
The job, as does most, comes with many highs and lows.
Highs include: Travelling to amazing places, playing at major venues, working alongside your friends, working with celebrities, playing on TV, having lots of days off, variety- as no two days are ever the same, plus sometimes- and it's not often, but sometimes you get free booze!!
Lows include: Airport check-ins at 5 am, erratic schedules, eating soggy boxed sandwiches from petrol stations for your dinner 3 nights in a row, spending a lot of time in your pants watching Jeremy Kyle waiting for a gig to come in, trouble getting car insurance, trouble getting mortgages (banks don't think it's a real job) and dealing with people on the tube who say 'Gawd, that's a big violin'. (The most original and over-stated observation that is always said to a woman carrying a cello)Read More
One funny mother.
© 2014 – Katy Cox –www.carryonkaty.com.